People Don’t Change! – David Mouti

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Welcome! I hope you enjoyed learning a bit more about me in my previous blog.

In this blog I want to begin to bring you into the world of human transition by sharing with you something I overheard spoken by one business person to another in the hallowed halls of corporate Toronto not too long ago.

It was in one sense the most truthful thing I’d ever heard about change management, yet at the same time the most false. How could this be?

First, the scenario. Hundreds of buildings in downtown Toronto are linked underground – and in some cases, above-ground – by a series of tunnels and skywalks. One day, when returning to my office from a meeting, I happened to be in one of these skywalks, walking behind a couple of young up-and-comers leisurely returning from their lunch. As I drew even and gradually overtook them, I heard one say to the other, “…well, it is what we planned, and we all agree it’s needed, but you know, people don’t change”.

“People don’t change.”

Now, you might have some strong feelings on that sentiment yourself. You might be of the belief that a leopard can’t change his spots, that we are who we are, that once we’ve hit, like, age four, we cannot be otherwise. And you can cite many examples!

Or you may believe that we are always being reborn and reinvented, that with the right attitude and support, we can become someone other than who we are today. And you too can cite many examples!

I must tell you that there is research to support both positions, and that many factors are at play.

But here is what I took away from that simple phrase:

THE STATEMENT IS FALSE! Yes, people can change! They are not destined to be exactly who they’ve always been. With the right attitude and support, people can and do – at least to some degree – reinvent themselves. (I myself am in the midst of such a change now; perhaps more on that in a later blog!)

A caveat: while it’s true that many of us have the capacity to change certain aspects of our lives, it is also true that many of the basic core elements of our personality are very difficult to change without a keen awareness of ourselves and a very specific path to follow.

But also…

THE STATEMENT IS TRUE! No, people do not change! But they do TRANSITION. This is a key distinction. Moving to a new city is a change. Starting a new job is a change. Losing a job is a change. Welcoming a new child is a change. Breaking up with a spouse is a change.

What is common about all of these changes? All of these changes by and large occur at a point in time. Events occur at a point in time: There is a marriage date. There is a separation date. A birth or adoption date. A hire (or a fire) date. A time before which things are one way, and after which things will be another.

People are different. People are not events. People are not things. Events occur at a point in time. Things change at a point in time. People do not. People transition, over time.

People transition, over time.

Think about that for a moment. For a change to be successful, people need to prepare for the change. This takes time. This needs to begin well in advance of the change and, perhaps counter-intuitively, continue beyond the change.

People need to know the change is coming, of course, but they also need to know the nature and details of the change, how the change will occur and, just as important, the risks of not changing.

People also need time to discover and embrace the positive aspects of the change, especially of course for changes that are not initially seen to be positive in nature. They need to know ‘What’s in it for me?’ If they do not truly want to change, because they do not understand the change or because they do not see how it can be a benefit to them, they will struggle and ultimately be unsuccessful.

People need to know how to handle the change on a cognitive, practical level. And they need to have the capacity to put that knowledge into action. This too takes time and cannot be overlooked.

Finally, once the change has occurred, people need a support mechanism to ensure the ‘old way’ does not creep back in.

So. “People don’t change.” They most certainly can, and do! And they most certainly do not; they transition, over time!